Engineer in hell

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when Yamaraj meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!"

So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Devil on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"

Devil replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!"

Devil says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"

"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"

Another way to skip speeding ticket

0 to 200 in 6 seconds ~~ Driving speed ~~ Admission to mental hospital

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself, and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car.

"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I dont feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I havent heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night," said the officer.

A really bad day
A blonde goes on who wants to be
some light refreshments

What a way to avoid speeding ticket

What a way to avoid speeding ticket ~~ Another way to skip speeding ticket ~~ Men vs women ~~ Pardon me doctors ~~ Lawyer joke billing ~~ 0 to 200 in 6 seconds ~~ A really bad day ~~ A blonde goes on who wants to be ~~ some light refreshments

The Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

What a way to avoid speeding ticket ~~ Another way to skip speeding ticket ~~ Men vs women ~~ Pardon me doctors ~~ Lawyer joke billing ~~ 0 to 200 in 6 seconds ~~ A really bad day ~~ A blonde goes on who wants to be ~~ some light refreshments